Monday, November 21, 2005

Saturday and solitude

I went down to South Jersey again this weekend. Primarily because Mom wanted me to help her with housework for the upcoming Thanksgiving festivities. Got that pretty much done by the afternoon. Also went to Costco and Target. Had the evening to myself. Watched some TV. Went to Sea Girt for the first time in a long time.

A couple of things:

One, I went to the boardwalk and there was absolutely nobody around. Not a single car. As I got out and started to walk along the boardwalk, I thought to myself, "perhaps this isn't a very safe thing to do". Then I realized that I'm in Sea Girt and I've been there a million times and there isn't anything to be concerned about. It's funny though has the New York mentality has set it, where I'm always assessing my surroundings.

I couldn't find anyone to play with Saturday night. Lauren was busy with Kevin, and Marc was out of town. I guess that's why I found myself back at the boardwalk in the first place. It's funny because I have changed so much of my life since I started going there ten years ago. I've gone to college, made a successful career, taken a job in the heart of Manhattan. And yet, some things haven't really changed at all. I still feel isolated and lonely. I still have so very few friends. I still feel like I don't fit in.

The third thing that being at the boardwalk made me think about was Kyle. She was the one who introduced me to Sea Girt and I was thinking back to that first summer. How happy I felt to spend that time with her, and in a completely platonic way. I sometimes wonder if I can get back to that place. It also got me thinking again about what she said to me a few weeks ago, where she said that "I still don't understand her". It's strange because I would consider her to be my best friend, and at this point my oldest friend. If I've known her longer than anybody, what is wrong with my communication skills where I still don't understand her after twelve years?

In other news, Suzy and Sam broke up. Or more appropriately, Sam broke up with Suzy. He's going off to Germany for a year next fall and whatever. This normally wouldn't affect me much except Suzy and Naomi have formed a newfound camaraderie over IM, and Naomi called me on Sunday afternoon to find out what is wrong with the male species. Ick.

Ok, enough for now.